Ask Jodie - My New Boyfriend is Being Secretive - Can I Trust Him?

Ask Jodie - My New Boyfriend is Being Secretive - Can I Trust Him?

Friday, 13 May, 2016 @ 15:58

He is loving, sweet and fun when we spend time together but when we are apart he is quite hard to get hold of.

Hi Jodie,

I have been seeing a man who is 7 years my senior (I’m 28), for nearly 6 months now. He is loving, sweet and fun when we spend time together but when we are apart he is quite hard to get hold of. Phone calls always feel like they are cut short and texts are infrequent. I get that he is a busy man. He has his own business to take care of so I try not to ask too many questions or get involved but it is making me more and more nervous.

He is pretty secretive when it comes to his work and home life. He always visits me and stays at mine rather than us going to his. I am beginning to really worry that he’s got something to hide from me, like a secret girlfriend or even wife and kids. What can I do to find out the truth? I feel like I’m being neurotic and I feel guilty for not trusting him but it’s driving me mad.

Karina

Hi Karina,

It sounds like you have taken a laid back and cool approach to this new relationship and that’s great. The problems arise when your other half acts suspiciously and it sounds like this has been from the get-go. That is not indicative of a healthy long term relationship and I don’t blame you for being concerned.

Love shouldn’t be on someone else’s watch. You should be on equal ground whether he is busy or successful, etc. This guy could be completely innocent and if he is, he isn’t being all too respectful of your feelings. It doesn’t hurt to send a text message or to say that he loves you over the phone. I believe that you have come to expect short responses and a one sided relationship. That’s not right. Expect openness and honesty. That is a necessity for a relationship to grow.

Now, from the Private investigator side of things, your boyfriend is touching on a lot of warning signs that would need to be addressed. We can do a background check to find out if there is anyone else in the picture, track his vehicle to find out if he is honest about where he sleeps at night and do a bit of surveillance to make sure he isn’t hiding anything serious from you.

Whatever you decide, conclude with laying your cards out on the table. Don’t drive yourself crazy imagining every possible scenario. Ask him what the deal is and when are you going to stay at his for a change. If he wants to progress with the relationship he needs to shed some light on who he really is otherwise he will lose you in the long run. Can’t face the confrontation? Get the evidence you need first and if we were to find out that he has dishonest, have the strength to move on for your own sake.

Jodie

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